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orchidotomy, the gelding – Rachael Daum

Trigger warnings: Rape, sexual assault, violence

 

step one I’ll take your penis

whether it’s hard (why is it called that

even hard it is still pliant and break-

able)

or flaccid

(a satisfying word)

(it sounds like a cut

a cat chomp)

preferably somewhere in between

rolls of skin stretching still

hunkered

against your balls for shelter

 

will it be a sharp knife or dull

will it glint or be

tarnished

you will shine it my pet

I want the blood

I want the seep

I want it clean

the skin will come away easy and sticky like mochi

it’ll gum against my hands and wedge in my fingerprints

(that’s right let this become a part of me

when you raped me it was still my rape)

I’ll use all the Latin words

tunica albuginea corpus cavemosum trabeculae

it sounds so much more complicated than it is

it comes away in my hands bunching

like brains

and anyway it’s just so much blood

the Latin drowns

there is no language for pain

 

if you look at the too-circumcised penis

if you look at it sliced into medallions

a tenderloin

it looks back at you like an alien

like an iron burn

should I let it hang and

drip

from your septum

from your urethra

from your emptiness

seeping

from emptiness

not emptiness

but lack

 

it will all come off with one last

yank

a snap

a breaking rubber band

that you can’t shoot across the room anymore

and you will be missing a limb

 

you told me once

writing about rape was fine

was not offensive

get over it

you told me you would

read about a castration

no problem no issue no offense

well

 

if that were what it was

what it felt like when you cut away my word my no

that you had just cut off an arm a leg a toe a dick

that it was that ping of pain when the rubber band hits

maybe no that would not be offensive

but you took it all

away

 

I have no more words no more no

I have given them all

you took them all

you fed your erection

my words have become you

your blood

let them spurt

 

to the man who took my virginity

the one the few the many who did not take my no

the one who fucked someone else when I gave no

the one who slapped my ass in a staircase and it

resounded

who reached down my shirt in a greenhouse

who reached up my skirt on a bench

you literally grabbed the pussy what the fuck man

who said let me just put it in and leave it for a second that’s all

just let me

finish

that’s never all and you never are

finished

 

I take all your dicks

I’ll slice that septum

I’ll say I’ll mount them

but they’ll go into a pile

they’ll go into buns

with mayonnaise and cabbage

I’ll radish your pickle

one two three

into the fryer

into the boiling water

I didn’t realize it could get smaller

 

haha

 

I’ll slice it down the middle

keep it from popping

pierce it with a fork

to let it air

let it ooze the boiler steam

so it won’t pop

so it won’t hurt

me

 

the mayonnaise suits it

let it

cool and

congeal

 

what a sad little head so pliant so rubbery so small

so taut

so let me

teach

 

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